SugarQueen?
by usweib
Summary: A VERY OOC look at our favorite waterbending heroine. Rated T


SugarQueen

SugarQueen?

This is a fan fiction. I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

This is definitely NOT a sequel, prequel, side story, foreshadowing, or anything else, of any of my other stuff.

Warning: Very OOC. Contains implications, intoxications, mind alterations, awkward situations, etc. etc.

I'm trying to be funny, here...not offensive...honest...swear to God...

It was a warm summer's day, and the entire group had just finished one of the best lunches they've had in months. A savory vegetable stew, followed by juicy, ripe fruit had put everyone in a really good mood. That morning had been spent in earthbending practice, with Aang, Toph, and Haru tossing boulders around. Then there was some light waterbending practice for Katara and Aang, while everyone else headed back to the temple baths (the fruit wasn't the only thing getting ripe)  
Now, it was time to decide how to spend the rest of the day. Katara looked over at Aang and said, "I suppose you and Zuko had better go practice firebending." Aang looked a little reluctant, but she knew how to fix that. "I can't wait to hear about you mastering a new move." She smiled demurely. Aang nearly pulled Zuko's arm out of its socket trying to get him to his feet. Now Zuko looked hesitant. "I know Zuko's got some great moves to teach you!" She beamed a smile at them both. Aang started crashing through the brush to get to the clearing for practice, but Zuko looked back at Katara with a hopeful glance. The smile was gone, replaced by a look of unabashed hatred. Katara made a "V" with her pointer and middle fingers, pointed them at her eyes, then at Zuko's. When she took her thumb and drew a slash across her throat, Zuko got the hint and nervously called after the Avatar. "A-Aang? Buddy? Pal? Wait for me!" and he too, was gone.  
Turning toward her brother, she asked, "Sokka, would you go and find some more fruit for us? We're kinda low."  
"Awww," Sokka began, "Do I have to?" 'What a whiner!' thought Katara.  
"You might be able to KILL some-thinnnng..."she sing-songed.  
"Oh, okay then." he replied. Katara thought, 'Hmmm, better occupy BOTH of his brain cells...'  
"Oh, Toph?" she called, "Would you go with Sokka?"  
"Katara! I can pick fruit all by myself!" the boy whined.  
"Yeah, Sugar Queen. Even Meat-head can do that."  
"But, brother dear, there are platypusbears, skunkweasels, and...um...wolfrats out there. You'll need a lookout!"  
"I've never heard of a wolfrat..." puzzled Sokka.  
"And you! Toph! I hope it's not too much of a bother for YOU to BE ALONE with SOKKA for a FEW HOURS on a nice, warm, dare I say, ROMANTIC, afternoon?" Toph may be blind, but she wasn't deaf. The earthbender soon had Sokka in a gentle headlock, leading him out of camp. "Stop squirming, Pretty-boy, or I'll use the sleeper hold." she growled lovingly.  
There were just a few more chores to do, and Katara had the perfect solution.  
"Oh. I am so tired. Lunch has made me sleepy." Katara began to stretch, arching her back while putting her hands behind her head in order to tousle her hair. Then she straightened so she could start doing some toe-touches. She could almost feel the stare coming from a shadowed alcove in the temple. 'Time to reel him in.' she thought. She straightened again, this time reaching up to the sky with both her hands. As she brought them down, she let a bare shoulder slip out of the neckline of her tunic. "Oh. My." she said as she blushed and looked over her shoulder, her lips brushing against bare skin. "Why, Haru. I did not see you standing there," she said sweetly, "I hope you weren't bothered by my...exertions?"  
"Duuuuuhhhhh,..." gurgled a slack-jawed Haru. His tongue was practically hanging out the side of his mouth.  
"Can you DO ME...a favor?" Katara asked.  
"Hwaaaaaa...Duuuuhhh..." he answered.  
"Good. I need you, Teo, and the Duke, to give the dishes a good cleaning. Then all the bedrolls and blankets need to be aired out and SPANKED clean. Is that something you can...handle?" she breathed.  
"Gaaaahhh..." was all he could manage in reply.  
"Oh, thank you! Remind me to do something to you...tee-hee I mean FOR you, sometime." The pile of dishes disappeared. They re-appeared, along with every scrap of loose cloth, piled onto Teo's wheelchair. Teo was mumbling something from under the load, and the Duke was slung over Haru's shoulder as he pushed the wheelchair at breakneck speed.  
"Finally!" Katara exhaled. The place was hers, at least for a few hours. She ran to her room to find her "secret stash". Katara smirked to herself as she pulled out a leather scroll-case. Her super-secret hiding place was the bag she used to keep her "feminine" hygenic items. NONE of the boys would DARE look inside. As for Toph, she couldn't read and had no use for scrolls. Popping off the top of the case marked "waterbending scrolls", Katara tried to choose between "Hot Guys of the Fire Nation" and "Earthbenders Rock Your World". As she perused, she absent-mindedly took out her oasis water vial. Everyone assumed it held the last few precious drops of the magical liquid. Actually, it was finely distilled, 90 proof cactus juice. Taking a swig, Katara nearly choked and gagged before rasping out, "Ohhh...the good stuff!" She liked this "Cactus Daniels" better than that "Southern Water Tribe Comfort" crap.  
She plopped down heavily, and sat in a most unladylike manner. After a hearty scratch, she reached into her bag and drew out a huge chunk of dried beef jerky. Chewing noisily and drinking occasionally, she happily scanned the pictures of bender boytoys. 'Fireboys have the sexiest, most cut, bodies...but they always come up short where it counts.' she pondered, 'Now, eartbender guys are pretty...solid. But ugh all that hair, all over the place! Waterboys are "meh"--not too extreme either way.' She had heard the rumors and whispered tales of the airbenders; their skills, their stamina, their amazingly long...time they can hold their breath. 'I might want to keep an eye on Aang.' she noted.  
Shifting her weight, Katara let one rip, loud and long. Gagging and waving her hands, she said, "I better burn something to cover that." She upended the scroll case, and a small pouch dropped out. Giggling, she opened the pouch, taking out a square piece of paper, and some dried leaves. After rolling the leaves in the paper, she struck a match and took a long drag. 'This Gaoling homegrown is almost as good as that Ba Sing Sensamiilian.' she remarked as she inhaled. Thick, curly, plumes of smoke rose in the air, and soon, Katara was completely baked. Having just enough sense to stub out her doob, she saved the roach and then passed out.  
It was hours later, when the sounds of the returning members of the group woke her. She quickly hid her stash, and ran out to see Haru and the two younger boys coming back with the dishes and linens. They dropped off the cookware, then went inside to return all the bedrolls. Katara speedily fanned the coals in the cooking fire to flames. She grabbed a big pot and waterbent it full. Then she reached under a loose rock tile for a bag of dried vegetables and herbs and dumped it into the pot.  
Hearing a commotion to her left, she saw her brother and Toph returning with a bushel of fruit. Sokka was a mess; his hair was mussed, his clothes were disheveled, he had bruises on his body, and was shaking. He wore a terrified look on his face, and never lifted his gaze from the ground. Toph tried to kiss his cheek, but Sokka flinched and whimpered. "Oh, grow up! You know you liked it!" she said, and took the bushel from his grasp. Sokka ran into the temple, cryng.  
"Men!" Toph exclaimed, "Am I right?"  
"Um, sure...Toph." Katara said, uneasily. She was rescued from further discussion by footsteps from the path outside the temple. Zuko strode in. His clothes were scorched, and smoking, and half of his hair was burnt off. He stood there, trembling with rage, as Aang came running up.  
"I SAID I was sorry!" he insisted.  
"Hey." Toph piped up, "something smells good. What's cooking?"  
"Yeah," agreed Aang,"I definitely smell some kind of herb."  
No one ever knew why Katara laughed until tears rolled down her face.


End file.
